It's the time for reflection and retrospection. A time to look at the present, and the past, and then move ahead knowing things are going to be different.
Two important things will happen on November 7, 2012. The President of the United States will be announced and my husband will have his surgery.
I have been learning more about cancer and am hoping and praying for a good outcome. I have also been learning more about the two presidential candidates; I know who my choice is and am hoping for the best in this arena as well. Either way, I know life will continue. Life will go on.
On this auspicious day, Dr. William See, of the Froedert Medical Center - Cancer section, will do my husband's surgery . He will decide, after cutting my husband open, from navel to pubic bone, which nerves can be salvaged and which must go. He will know how far, if at all, the cancer has introduced itself into my husband's body. I silence myself in prayer that although this is an aggresive cancer, that it will be limited only to the prostrate. This is one of those times when more is NOT better.
I'm leaning on my daughter, my son, and my son-in-law to be there for support and to carry us to the hospital. And, if all goes as planned, my husband will be able to come home a few days later, with catheter and bag. This is the plan. This is the hope.
I look with eagnerness for the election, and, conversely with trepidation to the surgery. I ask my husband, "Are you afraid?" He answers, "Not for me, but for you." My strength wavers, I hold the tears back. He needs me to be strong. I need to be stronger. I need your prayers to hold me up; to hold us up.
There are approxiately three weeks before it happens. Time flies. Time flies, even during this quiet before the storm.
The BIG C....it's like this HUGE wall that you don't know whether to climb over, crash through or simply stare at.
After his biopsy and 12 small sections were taken it was determined that six of them showed cancer.
My husband has been diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer. There it is, in black and white.
They say all men will get prostate cancer sooner or later, we just didn't think we'd be hearing it now.
In the cancer Gleason score of 1-10, 10 being the worst, my husband's score is NINE. Scares the socks off of you when you see it and hear it.
I have selfishly cried so many tears I did not think were possible, I have resigned from my 12 hour a week job because it felt too overwhelming to do more than be at my husband's side; and just very recently we were able to let our youngest grandgirl know about her Papa's illness. She is so very sensitive to so many things and she loves her Papa beyond the measure of the heart.
Thankfully, my husband's urologist was very upbeat and informative and even gave us a book entitled PROSTATE AND CANCER, the 4th edition, written by Sheldon Marks, MD. It's not an over night read, but it is written for the layman's needs. It describes the various ups and downs of the various options. It was good to hear my husband's doctor speak so positively about the options available to him, as well as the time my husband has, to choose one procedure over the other. The doctor's confidence lifted a lot of the doom and gloom that has been so pervasive in our lives since my husband has gotten his diagnosis.
What are the options? Surgery or radiation. They each have their upsides and, they each have their icky side effects.
Later in the month we will visit the doctor who will perform the selection of my hubby's choosing and learn more about that option This doctor is located at our local Cancer Center. Never thought I'd be going through those doors.
It still feels difficult when I look at my husband and know he has a tough decision to make. He has always been my hero and has always lived our married life to make our family happy. He has been the seeds of the apple. He is reaping what he has sown; we all love him, and respect him very much. He gives 1,000 percent and yet manages to be gentle and kind.
So, at this time though we do have more information, we still have many things to think about and consider. And, we have God on our side. Thank you to so many of you who pray for him and understand what we are going through. Knowing you are there with prayers and support brings hope and healing as well.
Cancer is a big, scary word...we're going to fight it all the way!
