Happiness, It's More Than a Feeling

Since having been retired I have literally found myself understanding what real happiness feels like.

I mean, I know what happiness feels like, but it always seemed that there was always a "reason" to feel happy. Now, at any given moment I get a sense of well being over my self and a rush of feeling a sense of  "HAPPY". I let the feelings wash over me and I let myself be immersed in the lovely feeling of it.

It doesn't have to come rushing in like hot lava or like a merry Christmas. Instead this joy, or happiness, comes in quietly and sits in me as I simply exist.

Also, I have not felt any depression. Having experienced depression in the past I now have more of a chance to fight the feeling if I feel it wanting to begin. In the past if the skies were gray for too many days in a row, I would begin to feel the darkness of self creeping in, now I take the time in the morning, upon waking, to give myself direction in how I can choose to feel happy. The choice was always there, but I was always in a hurry to begin my day. Now, it's more like a meditation upon waking. I lay and listen to my feelings.

The other night I fell asleep to the sound of a far off train whistle and didn't get that wistful feeling of sadness or lonliness. I heard it and went peacefully off to sleep. In the morning after I roused myself out of bed I saw and heard a plane overhead and at the same time saw an eagle in the wind, both soaring. I heard no sound from the eagle but I heard the joy of the overhead plane as it flew overhead, up there, up above the clouds. I watched the eagle fly in the currents of the winds and felt such a joy in my spirit.

Too, I have been thinking of all of the various sounds in our lives that sometimes make us remember the past, and I begin to realize that some of the things that I am hearing now are becoming what will, in my future, become my memories; new memories. I like to hear glasses clinkiing, and children at play, I like to hear people laughing, and pleasant music; I like the sound of the light breezes in the leaves of the trees, or if by the water, how it laps against the shore. There are so many joyful sounds in our lives.

There are times when I just listen to my breathing and feel my heart beating and am thankful for these, seemingly simple, yet life sustaining things and know that this joy that I have been feeling, as of late, is not to be taken for granted. I am taking more time to listen, I am taking more time to listen to the sounds of happiness and joy. It abounds, I just have to be quiet and hear it.

It's Getting Serious Now

Artwork by Socorro

I paid my first insurance payments this week and the sheer magnitude of the sum made me think seriously about life.

After watching Dr. Phil the other day I came to the clear knowledge that evil really does exist in this world. I watched how that young woman, now age 18, had been locked in a closet from age 2-8 by her maternal mother and step-dad. She was only let out to be used for sex, not only by her so-called parents but by other people that they would bring home. And yet, she managed to survive. As one of the psychologists said about her, "she healed herself."  After being found, the young lady had to undergo many surgeries to fix her internal female organs, as well as throat surgeries for trying to eat the plastic bowl and the wood from the door of the closet that held her captive. She survived so many horrors that I worry about her.  I woke up praying for her this morning and hope that she continues to thrive....and yes her parents have been sent to jail, each receiving life sentences.

I think about Whitney Houston who had the voice of an angel, but was so overwhelmed by too much fame, much too fast that it somehow ruined her and eventually took her life. I enjoyed her music, but never really "admired"  her as a person. I believe that we make choices, though tough as it may be, we make the choices that create who we are and continue to be. I hope she is in heaven and singing with the angels, and as a friend said, "I'm sure the angels are all moving over to make room for one of their own."  A woman with an angel's voice. A woman who could have lived on to make more music, is now gone. Rest in peace Whitney Houston.

I think about the e-mail that I received from a friend, and after opening it up seeing an image of topless African women doing what they do in Africa...dance. And the caption? The caption said, "Do you know what this is? It's Michelle Obama at her high school reunion." I felt so violated and angry. I know that racism and prejudice are alive and kicking and it embarrasses me to know that a friend would think I would want to see such an image.

Then I think about myself. The art work you see above was created by me several years ago. Yet, I quit painting. I take my gift for granted. My muse seems to be doing a Rip Van Winkle nap and I am finding it hard to be motivated or inspired to paint again. There is much I want to do, but it seems I am now taking it way too easy, simply because I can, because I am retired and think I have all the time in the world. I think my muse is slowly waking up and when she does I am going to grab her with much gusto and try and keep her near. I don't want to have that regret of having a gift and letting it die on the vine. I don't want to have that regret of having lived, but not living.

...and with that being said, it's time to go and work out and begin to begin!

I'm Soooo Techhie (or how I finally got it right!)

I am declaring myself a true techhie now. I mean, I really think I deserve to call myself that because, come on, I've FINALLY, after almost a year, I have finally learned to sync my Nook (make that my COLOR Nook) with the Public Library System.

You know what that means, right? Ahem, it means that now I don't have to drive down to the public library to check books out. Let's say the weather is bad, and since I live out of town, if I wanted to go browsing the shelves of the library, I'd have to throw on one of my coats ..if it's winter (I'm a clothes horse, I have several to choose from); I'd have to start up the car and drive out in the cold and into the city, park, pay the parking meter before I'd even get to the book shelves to see what books might be available.

Soooo, now I can just log into the library website, see what's available in e-books (that means electronic books, heehee); and if one catches my interest I can electronically check one out, connect my Nook to the computer, and viola' it goes into my Nook (my COLOR Nook).

It took me a long time to figure out how to do this. I even had to take the "Learn How to Check Out Books Electronically" class that they offered at the Library. Even after the class I couldn't get it to work because I was working and I was always in a hurry and didn't want to devote the time it took to figure it all out. Since I've retired, I've taken that little class (again), and finally took the time to think it all through so that I was able to make them, the Nook and the Library, "like" each other. Soooo, yes, now they REALLY like each other and I can check books out at whim.

Just the other day one of my Facebook friends asked me if I had a Nook so that we could be " Nook friends." This opens another whole door of books. Any books that she or I have read, and bought and that we have stored on our Nooks can be shared with her or other Nook friends. SMILE!  I like my little color Nook, it even lets me read my e-mail and browse the internet, and it has a place for an SD card!

I'm feeling pretty confident now...even though my 12-year-old granddaughter had synced her Nook to the Library about a year prior to my having done it! (Yeah, I know...but she went through it so fast that I just pretended to know what she was talking about. You didn't know that I was an actress too?!?)

One Month Done

January 2012, oh January 2012. Was here and gone.

Holy Buckets (!) can you believe it, January 2012 done, over and out.

What kind of January was it? Here in Wisconsin it was a winter worth bragging about. We had mild temps with some days reaching near 50!

Spring begins in March and if we can hold onto these milder days, hopefully we can swing right into a super spring! One of my facebook friends loves the snow and she bemoans each winter day that no snow falls. To each their own, I say. I'll take this temperate winter any year Ma Nature wants to give it to us.

I made it over that gigantic obstacle called HEALTH INSURANCE!!!  Though it's a whopping amount, closer to $700 per month I am assured of good coverage, though I rarely, if ever, go to see her (her, meaning the doctor). I try to stay clear of her, and I'm sure she doesn't take it personally, or  minds that I rarely go and visit. Hmm, what a way to make a living. Having patrons you hope you don't see too much (and vice versa!).

On another note, and I'm sure a sour note at that, in some people's opinion; enough signatures were collected State-wide to trigger a recall of our Governor Scott Walker. Not my favorite politician, of that you can rest assured.

Gabby Gifford resigned her position in Congress. I, as I know so many others do as well, wish her Godspeed and a continued recovery.

I think, now that I have some experience in this retirement area (ahem, one month); I think I am in need of scheduling my life. Otherwise I go nilly-willly throughout each day not accomplishing much of anything. But... (don't you love it when someone says, "but," you know there's gonna be an exception to what was just said prior to the "but," well you're right!)... yesterday I did help paint the basement bathroom and did the treadmill for 40 mintues and painted a bit.

I still think I need a better schedule to, well, to keep me on schedule!

Perhaps a day of each isn't a bad. Perhaps I can have days where I can follow my schedule and days when I can say, "heck, no!" to that. I think that just might be the answer! Otherwise, there's no fun in being free of daily drudgery?!?

What do you think? Do you think human beings need to have schedules???